Anyone anticipating something remotely mystical, perhaps set in a desert or featuring Jake Gyllenhaal pursuing an ostrich, will likely be let down – as I was. The story begins with pirates attempting to seize a modern oil tanker. Its owner, "Adrian Sinbad" (played by Patrick Muldoon), rushes to the scene but a sea monster and a storm force them onto an unknown island where he has to deal with the titular trials, idea…