Dave displayed a bandaged finger, attributing it to a malfunctioning poison gas sensor at his home over the weekend. However, he later confessed, with a visible unraveling of composure, that the injury occurred while preparing potato salad.

A purported video surfaced showing the Bushes applauding Al Gore during his acceptance speech. Subsequently, several of Joe G.'s patrons engaged in a game titled "Pizza Survivor."

A curated Top Ten list spotlights the original cast of "Survivor." Following this, Dave engages in conversation with Jack Hanna.

Dave inquired of Richard Hatch, the victor from "Survivor: Borneo," regarding his portrayal during last night's broadcast.

Dave revisits the infamous "rabid dingo" bite clip. Biff attempts to discern the contents of unmarked cans through sheer force of will. Meanwhile, Donal Logue plugs his latest project, "The Tao of Steve."

Dave’s finger throbbed with lingering pain. Paul volunteered to collect Anna Kournikova for her scheduled appearance. Meanwhile, Alan extended a particular invitation to Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres, the latter pair recently separated.

Dave frets over the melting polar ice caps, lamenting the news channels’ failure to adequately address the issue. Later, Alan concludes "Campaign 2000" with a rendition of "Climb Every Mountain," an act that ignites a confrontation.

Celebrating the seventh anniversary of the show's debut on CBS, Dave notes he has now completed precisely 3,280 episodes in the late-night format, identifying number 1150 as his personal favorite. Meanwhile, Biff finds himself attending a s…

Dave questioned a secretary from Hartford, posing a "Know Your Employees" quiz focused on Don Hewlett Chevrolet-Oldsmobile-Buick in Georgetown, Texas.

On the latest episode of CBS Mailbag, Gerard articulates his reasons for supporting George W. Bush, while Dave officiates the marriage of Richard Hatch, a familiar face from the first season of "Survivor."

In a segment titled "Summer Memories," Anton recounts an encounter with an unusually large mosquito. Following this, Carson Daly promotes "TRL."

Following a review of images documenting Dave's recent hand injury, we now prepare to witness the removal of the sutures, broadcast live on www.cbs.com/lateshow. Joining him is Dr. Lou Arrone, who recounts that Dave "almost cut off the tip …

"Actually," Alan said, cutting in, "Monday marked my fifth year with the show." A flash of anger crossed his face. "You forgot." He stormed out of the room and into the street, discarding his clothes until he stood in his underwear, then ga…

Mel Chastain, a spectator from Buffalo, performs a bit called "Know Your Professional Bill Gates Lookalikes." Dave is particularly charmed by her, and Biff offers her tickets to "The Lion King."

Dave, a grade school teacher, contributed to the CBS Mailbag. The segment also featured an anecdote about "AP writer Adam Klymer," the individual Dubya had previously characterized as a "Major League Asshole"—a role played by Gerard—who see…

With a hiss of air, Biff inflated a bicycle tire and a soccer ball using a hand pump. Meanwhile, Sting and Cheb Mami filled the air with their rendition of "Desert Rose."

Seven cats, a dog, Santa Claus, a man in a crimson cape, three monkeys, Moses, Dracula, Hercules, and a clown entered the coffee shop without a hitch.

The confiscated items included a jar of spitballs, drink boxes of Jack Daniels, a Build Your Own Electric Chair kit from Professor George W. Bush, the book *Human Sexuality* by the Gores, Elmer's Paste decorated with sprinkles, a Dave Lette…

Due to illness, Paul Shaffer was unable to perform, and Warren Zevon stepped in to fill the role.

Once more, Nadine and Andrea extricate Calvert from beneath Dave's desk. Afterward, Dave displays a recently produced advertisement featuring Hillary Clinton.

Dave launched into another extended critique, dissecting an article from yesterday’s New York Times Magazine. He dismissed Rush Limbaugh with a string of colorful insults, calling him a “giant bag of gas.” Then, producing a photograph of Ja…

Before the Olympic events appear on NBC, Dave delivers the results. It would seem that Belgium has secured victory in every competition, with the exception of one – claimed by Finland.

Dave responded to Monday’s outburst, noting that despite the Times Magazine’s characterization of him as a non-voting Republican, he had, at one point, registered with the Democratic Party. Subsequently, Denzel Washington promoted the film …

Dave announced at the start of the evening, "Tonight is my last performance." As the night progressed, Vince Gill joined the band, and presidential hopeful Ralph Nader made an appearance as part of his campaign.

Dave delivers his latest Ball State Football Update, arguing that last week’s 74-0 defeat by Kansas State was a closer contest than the final score suggests. Later, Alan Kalter interrupts Dave to dismiss the news of Barbra Streisand's recen…

The scheduled segment, "What's On TV This Week," was abruptly derailed by the sudden intrusion of two men engaged in a violent altercation. The scene then shifted as Tom Cavanaugh took the stage to promote his latest project, the television…

The "Late Show Iron Chef"—Joe G. versus Rupert Jee, Round Two: Rupert presented an omelet infused with Cajun spices, while Joe G. crafted a ham calzone. Maria Pope ultimately declared Joe G. the victor.

Tonight, Paul is unwell, leaving Anton to take the lead. Cliff Carter joins on keyboards. Dave announces "Paul"—who is battling a severe cold—and Barry White lends his voice to the ailing bandleader. Later in the broadcast, the annual "New …

Biff is indulging in "Super Unlabeled Canned Goods of the Night," now featuring extra-large cans. He samples the chili, though Warren insists it tasted like chili the last time he was there. He’s mistaken; it was ravioli on the fifteenth of…

With Paul unwell, a representative appears to showcase Paul's intended attire for the evening; Eddie Brill steps in to fill the role of Alan. Al Rent of Ball State presents Dave with the game ball from their recent victory. Meanwhile, Ben S…

Dave introduces Rulon Gardner, the Olympic champion who captured gold in wrestling at Sydney. Following this, Warren Zevon speaks to promote his latest album.

Once again, Barry White impersonates Paul over the phone. Following the latest installment of "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts," Alan promotes "PK: The Pat and Kenny Magazine," while Jim Gaffigan advertises "Welcome to New York."

Amidst the banter, Calvert discreetly takes a tissue from Dave’s desk. Warren Zevon fills in for Paul, who is currently battling pneumonia. A segment titled "What Does It Cost?" then reveals the unusual nature of Dave Dorsett's compensation…

As he had done each night before, Calvert appeared during the speaker’s address. This time, he made his way to Dave's desk, retrieved the telephone, and dialed a number. "Get me the police!" he stated, then hung up and departed. Later in th…

On tonight’s edition of "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," the host’s announcer launches into a spontaneous performance of "Who Let the Dogs Out." George Clarke, determined to shed pounds, attempts a fast throughout the program, but succumb…

Paul has recovered from a prolonged illness of pneumonia. All week, Dave has been presenting vegetables that lacked fair-winning potential; this evening features Farmer Bob Fowler and his customarily sized squash. Furthermore, Miss America …

Nadine Hennelly and Andrea Sande arrived, a day behind schedule, bearing roses to mark Paul’s return. Dave, however, was unwell, prompting Nadine and Andrea to return and offer their support.

Dave recounted a series of discarded names for the university's mascot, revealing a past moniker of "Hoosieroons." Inspired by this discovery, he proposed to the university that they dedicate their football stadium in his honor, contingent …

Following weeks of persistent effort, Dave secured an interview with Republican presidential hopeful George Walker Bush. Throughout the conversation, Dave pressed the candidate on pressing issues, but Bush consistently evaded direct respons…

Dave presented a clip from yesterday's broadcast featuring Governor George W. Bush. The footage captured a moment during a break when Bush cleaned his glasses with the sweater of a woman standing nearby, courtesy of producer Maria Pope.

Each year, during their "Halloween Costumes" segment, Calvert presents a deceased fish as his trick-or-treat prize, and the following morning, Dave targets someone’s car. George Clarke indulges in an excessive candy binge in the basement. D…

Calvert positioned himself directly in front of Dave’s desk and had to be gently directed elsewhere; Biff, with a bit of assistance from Benny Agbayani, conducted an experiment involving baseballs filled with juice on the rooftop; meanwhile…

Dave beckoned Biff forward, the audience's question hanging in the air: "Does he sleep with his headset on?" Biff, without hesitation, confirmed the truth of the matter. Afterward, Dave launched into a gentle mockery of a James Brolin made-…

After a hiatus of more than six years, Madonna has made a rare appearance as a guest.

Dave mentioned that while preparing for the performance, he’d misjudged a haircut near his ears and inadvertently buzzed his earlobe. The winners of the New York City Marathon cycled through, followed soon after by Calvert. Then, Moby and G…

The morning following the contentious presidential election, Calvert took the stage and inquired of Dave, “How did Nixon fare?” Subsequently, Dave presented a fabricated CBS news report, complete with the headline: “Nader Wins.”

Calvert drops in for a cigarette, then joins Alan in a rendition of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" Meanwhile, Cokie Roberts shares her insights on the election recount, a sentiment echoed by Patricia Arquette.

Calvert cut through the laughter, requesting a sandwich. During the "CBS Mailbag" segment, Dave made a brief journey to Europe to see his three Dutch admirers, only to inadvertently decapitate Paul. Meanwhile, Lucy Liu showcased a graceful …

In the course of his speech, Dave delivered a familiar jest, one reminiscent of Bill Clinton’s repertoire: “He’s so fat he can’t see who he’s having sex with.” Meanwhile, Biff provided updates from the chaotic election situation in Palm Bea…

Calvert announced his sexual orientation with a flourish, then destroyed the cue card prepared for the Classic Clinton Joke. Dave followed with another tale of dental woes. Alan, offering congratulations to Hillary Clinton on her election t…

Calvert poured Dave a cup of coffee. Then, Mike Myers showed a film clip from his childhood, a production from when he was thirteen years old.

Calvert polishes his glasses on Dave’s jacket; Michael McDonald, known from Steely Dan and the Doobie Brothers, is present. The program concludes with the CBS Orchestra performing the theme music from Dave’s 1980 morning show, a composition…

Anton recounted an evening fraught with difficulties involving a child on Halloween night; meanwhile, Dave’s interview with Val Kilmer descended into a series of unfortunate mishaps.

Following the placement of a single flag yesterday, Dave now displays two behind his desk, intending to cultivate a more presidential air. Subsequently, he presents Susan Sarandon with a silver gravy serving bowl.

Calvert appeared, dressed as Dave, and examined a ballot. Dave showcased a newfound dexterity in his facial expressions, offering a grateful thanks to his dentist afterward. Meanwhile, the Brazilian Olympic bobsled team conducted practice r…

Calvert emerged to adjust his hair, and the audience rose to a standing ovation. Following him, Richard Simmons appeared in a flamboyant costume of orange and yellow, resembling a turkey, which prompted Dave to instinctively reach for a fir…

Dave offered a sincere apology for the previous night’s performance. Afterward, he shared clips from the staff Thanksgiving party. In the footage, Dave was costumed as a pilgrim, and Paul found himself unceremoniously removed from the festi…

Calvert smoothed balm onto his lips. Finally, Dave offered an explanation for his actions from two nights prior – something to do with a staunch refusal to allow anyone to touch his neck. During the "CBS Mailbag" segment, Dave and Paul spra…

Calvert procured a remote device intended to disrupt Dave, the tiger cub under Jack Hanna's care. Simultaneously, the cub fostered an unusual attachment to Dave.

Instead of acting, Calvert simply walks onto the stage, lingers for a brief ten seconds beside Dave, and then departs. Dave now has twelve flags arranged behind his desk. Meanwhile, Dave and Martha Stewart prepare Beef Wellington, broadcast…

Calvert cleans the cameras. Dave addresses Paul as "President-elect Paul W. Shaffer." Dave notes that magician David Blaine is encased in ice in Times Square. The scene cuts live to the boiler room, where George Clarke drenches his trousers…

Calvert enters the stage with a quart of egg nog, drinking directly from the carton. To promote Dave’s forthcoming performance in Bosnia, Biff makes a visit to a unit stationed there. In recognition of the occasion, Biff displays a commemor…

Calvert indulged in more egg nog. Charles Grodin. Bobby Labonte, the 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup champion. Dave presented outtake footage from last night’s "Biff in Bosnia."

Dave displays an image of President-elect Bush sporting a whimsical cowboy hat. Should there be any developments regarding tonight’s decision, broadcast live via satellite, three men gather in Austin, Tallahassee, and at the U.S. Supreme Co…

Dave plays a brief segment from MSNBC featuring Bob Kur, who appears to be muttering during his coverage of the Supreme Court's decision from the previous evening. Meanwhile, a member of the studio audience attempts to discreetly exit the s…

Paul moved to straighten Dave’s shirt. Calvert took another swallow of egg nog. As the Mailbag segment played, we watched a clip of "Dave's Trip to Norway," where he mistakenly found himself in Finland. Gerard expressed gratitude to the nat…

Dave shared a video clip of President-elect Bush and Colin Powell sharing a somewhat stiff embrace. Meanwhile, Rupert, Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. adorned the Late Show's Christmas tree. Inspired by the clip, Dave and Sean Connery then att…

The Late Show presented a Bosnia Night, a spectacle where Dave began his monologue shielded by night-vision goggles. The audience was composed entirely of members of the Armed Forces. The Hi-Ho Girls circulated, distributing t-shirts to the…

Celebrating his 35th anniversary with CBS, Dave presents cameraman Dave Dorsett with a deliberately misleading Christmas gift. Dorsett, with characteristic bluntness, declares that staff morale on *The Late Show* has never been lower. Paul,…

Calvert directs a burst of artificial snow onto a camera lens. Dave attempts to clear it away with a squeegee, but the resulting foam splatters across his clothing. Meanwhile, comedian John Witherspoon delivers impressions of both Nat King …

Calvert, attired as Santa Claus, appears during Mailbag. Meanwhile, Alan prepares for a role in a film of adult entertainment by immersing himself in a bathtub brimming with egg nog. Brian Regan offers his observations on the peculiar pleas…

Calvert unveiled his gleaming scooter. Dave requested Steph or Monty record an episode of "Jackass" for him. Paul spoke of Hanukkah, then confessed to being heavily intoxicated. Dave complained of feeling cold, prompting one of his assistan…

Dave delivered a string of ten "It's so cold..." jokes. He, along with Rupert and others, offered a warm farewell to Joe G. Pizza, which will be relocating to West 56th Street next month. Dave also mentioned a "Cue Cards Awards Dinner," sch…

Dave offers a particular New Year's greeting for the younger generation – and indeed, for his fellow bikers as well: "Ride straight." Throughout his monologue, Dave also shares six more jokes centered around the familiar lament, "It's so co…

Dave noted that Ed had received a People's Choice Award for Best New Series. He remarked that he himself had never won one, attributing it to a lack of popular favor. Alan Kalter, in turn, boasted of his own People's Choice win for "Alan Ka…

As the monologue concludes, an elderly gentleman bearing a resemblance to Calvert enters the stage. Singer Jackie DeShannon, a prominent figure of the 1960s pop scene, joins him, offering intimate renditions of her most celebrated songs. Da…

The elderly man, resembling Calvert from the previous evening, gazes vacantly at the lens. Dave requests dental instruments from Steph, or perhaps Monty. Another attempt at a "Day in the Life of Hillary Clinton" sketch is abandoned, this ti…

As night deepened, Giants kicker Brad Deluiso repeatedly took to the field to attempt field goals. Meanwhile, actress Kim Cattrall recounted a story of Garry Shandling's alleged attempt to introduce her to Dave years prior, a claim vehement…

A letter arrived detailing an unusual scene: Pat Farmer was wearing a skirt, and a hot dog vendor, Michael Z. McIntee, served Dave a hot dog adorned with the words "I love you," crafted from mustard.

Dave produced a photograph of a cake Dorothy had baked to mark the first anniversary of his quintuple bypass. He then inquired of Steph or Monty about obtaining some inflatable chairs from Miller® Lite. With Barry White unexpectedly canceli…

Dave opens the program by commenting on the release of Oprah's latest magazine, before producing a copy of Martha Stewart's publication and noting the designer's past struggles with poverty and a residence in a hollow tree. He then mentions…

Dave voiced his dissatisfaction with the chair's comfort, suggesting the lumbar support was the source of his discomfort. During the most recent "Last Time" segment, Alan earnestly requested Dave keep the Top Ten list. Meanwhile, Pat and Ke…

Dave confesses to a fondness for carbohydrates; New York City Police Commissioner Bill DeLace offers advice for surviving a snowstorm; and Dave presents two excerpts of former President George W. Bush articulating complex vocabulary.

As the nation prepared for President Bush’s inauguration, Dave shared one final joke from the Clinton era, a well-worn chestnut dating back to 1998. Later, during the Mailbag segment, the studio was unexpectedly affected by a gas leak. And …

Dave offers his thoughts on yesterday’s Super Bowl between the Giants and the Ravens, followed by a clip of the game's Most Valuable Player, Ray Lewis, with confetti clinging to his face. He then introduces Maria Pope to Debb Eaton, a forme…

As the night progressed, a collection of well-known figures – including Regis and Dave – championed a nightly "Hacking Cough." Meanwhile, Biff delivered his report from Super Bowl XXXV in Tampa, conducting interviews with Justin Timberlake …

Dave insisted Johnny Knoxville of "Jackass" make an appearance on the program. He then displayed a clip of President Bush playfully patting the First Lady's rear in a public setting. Meanwhile, Jeff Probst and an actor impersonating Leslie …

Dave made a passing remark about it being the nineteenth anniversary of his first experience with late nights, and Nancy Agostini and Mike McIntee excused themselves to offer Paul flowers. Later, Dave spoke with Tony Siragusa of the Super B…

In the Mailbag segment, Harold Larkin journeys to Jupiter, only to find his trousers overcome by the planet’s intense gravity. Alan Kalter then addresses Good Morning America's proposed broadcast of a live childbirth on Tuesday, followed by…

Dave’s desk now sports a garish wash of light blue. He’s been on a tirade about last Saturday's XFL premiere, insisting the players should be flinging folding chairs at one another. Meanwhile, Kel Gleason, the former contestant deemed “non-…

Dave explained that he had painted the front of his desk blue the weekend before. The reason was now clear: it served as a screen for projecting videotapes. The selection of clips included a monkey washing a cat, a kaleidoscope, footage of …

Aligning himself with a newly formed football league, Dave announced the show’s immediate rebranding to "XLS – the Extreme Late Show." He also placed a long-distance call to Melbourne, Australia, simply to hear someone utter the greeting, "…

From Bloomfield, Connecticut, Biff shares a scene: a member of the audience graces Paul’s piano with a performance of Chopin. A familiar echo resonates as Dave recounts an incident from the previous night – New York State Police Trooper Wil…

For the past month, a small, elderly gentleman has appeared onstage during the monologue, positioning himself beside Dave before departing. Tonight, however, there's a departure from the pattern: the old man exits first, followed shortly th…

Dave held forth at length on the subject of stomach flu, before summoning Art Kelly to the upper floor to ask about any colleagues afflicted. A short while later, Art passed the phone to Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt, and Dave inquired whether …

A significant moment unfolded in the enduringly popular history of "Stupid Pet Tricks": Regis, the duck, consumes cottage cheese directly from his owner Rebecca Kraft's mouth. The spectacle proved so unappetizing that Dave repeatedly shared…

Dave presented a Valentine's Day bouquet, asserting it had been a gift from Johnny Knoxville of the Jackass crew. He then offered his thoughts on last night’s particularly disturbing episode of Stupid Pet Tricks, followed by a clip document…

Dave announced that last night’s performance had received a pardon from former President Clinton. Daredevil Steve Direnzo then leaped from the theater roof, returning for a bow as applause erupted. Meanwhile, "Biff Henderson's America" made…

The segment titled "Dave's Henchmen Force a Price Waterhouse Executive to Reveal the Best-Picture Winner" is quite self-explanatory. During Mailbag, a parody of the film "Hannibal," it’s revealed that Paul's brain is composed of guacamole. …

Dave launched into one of his most impassioned tirades yet, this time decrying the brutal conditions endured by the contestants on *Survivor: Outback*. He then turned his attention to Tony, sharply criticizing him for an alleged act of rude…

As Jennifer Lopez ended her relationship with Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, Alan Kalter interjected with a few carefully chosen words meant to flatter her. He then began to sing a mournful ballad, when suddenly "Big Red" was struck repeatedly by…

Throughout the night, Don Hewitt, often called the Man on Fire, is repeatedly bumped and jostled by players from the New York Rangers. During the Mailbag segment, a member of the audience christens her dog with a name in tribute to Dave, ut…

At last night's Grammy Awards, George Clarke conducted interviews with celebrities. A group of ten students from Bowie, Maryland, presented the Top Ten nominees. Appearing via telephone, Dr. Henry Kissinger called out the name of someone in…

Sam Moore of Sam & Dave and Billy Preston are guests; the snow has grounded Kansas State University high jumper Nathen Leeper, preventing him from showcasing his abilities on 53rd Street. During the Mailbag segment, Alan playfully smears ma…

Dave proudly displays his newly acquired desk, then expresses a lament about lacking anything of interest to offer Kimmi Kappenberg, the castaway from "Survivor: Outback." Meanwhile, Les Moonves and Tony, known for his resemblance to Fidel …

Dave repeats the clips of the woman and the duck, alongside the "rabid dingo," once more. He then launches into a discussion of the emerging theory suggesting a meteorite could provide evidence of life on Mars, a topic that visibly incites …

A recent, unsettling incident has prompted Dave to announce his withdrawal from all networking meetings. Meanwhile, Les Moonves and Fidel/Inky maintain their established lunchtime routine. To illustrate a point, Dave then presents a video c…

Dave elaborates on his outburst from the night before, inquiring whether Paul has ever been directly challenged by a network executive with the question, "Is there a problem?" Meanwhile, Martin Short delivers a musical piece commemorating t…

A note arrived in the mail: "My son Tommy is turning five this Saturday. Would you be able to come to his party?" Dave replied that he would very much like to attend, and drove promptly to the house where the celebration was being held. The…

He introduced himself with a wry grin as "David Letterman… TV badass." The conversation then turned to the aftermath of the *Survivor: Outback* castaways who didn’t survive, followed by a musing on whether his own behavior would result in d…

Night after night, Pat Farmer plays basketball on the rooftop.

Dave declared he had completed the task of sending lemon trees to those he might have inadvertently offended, and then turned his attention to the NCAA Tournament selections. Meanwhile, Pat Farmer occupied himself with shooting hoops on the…

Paul’s attire this evening evokes a surprising image in Dave’s mind: Colonel Harland Sanders. The music, a collection of The Mamas and the Papas, feels like a tribute to John Philips, who passed away recently. Dave launches into a familiar …

Johnny Johnson and James Burton joined the band, as Dave projected footage of MIR’s return to Earth – a descent that obliterated the very camp where *Survivor: Outback* had been filmed. Alan launched into a passionate, if somewhat indignant…

Dave announced the bandleader as Paul W. Shaffer. Outside, a spring flight of rodents was in progress. Inside a beauty salon, Bill DeLace conducted a hidden-camera Top Ten segment.

The segment titled "What We Love about Spring in New York" features George Clarke in his preferred sundress and Harold Larkin violently striking a pay phone. Additionally, Dave declines to read number one from tonight's Top Ten, objecting t…

Dave declared a feud with AOL, dismissing them as a petty concern and alleging that the company’s technicians were monitoring his correspondence. His planned Top Ten list was abandoned. Meanwhile, Nathan Lane delivered a performance from th…

A man of considerable height—nearly seven feet—joins the band. Meanwhile, Biff travels to Chappaqua, New York, seeking information about the Clintons. The band performs "Drops of Jupiter."

Paul’s weekend arrangements find an unexpected place within the news segment, while Dave finally encounters his current obsession, Johnny Knoxville of Jackass.

The monologue concluded with Dave launching into his practiced suit-modeling routine. Later, during the Mailbag segment, he found himself included in the Academy Award’s annual "In Memoriam" reel. It was then that Dave resolved to dedicate …

Dave and Paul announced that a forty-piece orchestra would be joining them onstage later in the week, commencing this Friday. Dave launched into another tirade regarding AOL. Meanwhile, Warren Zevon performed "I Was in the House When the Ho…

Dave asserts he has been transmitting a large volume of indecent electronic mail to AOL and intends to sue them for monitoring all communications. Biff makes his yearly pilgrimage to the Yankees' spring training. Following Dave’s mention of…

In the "Late Show All-Star Security Camera" segment, actor Gabe Kaplan, a familiar face from 1970s sitcoms, attempts a clandestine entry into the theater. Meanwhile, Dave and Gaines debate a Top Ten list of potentially offensive material, w…

Dave launched into a detailed account of a drive home on highway 684, and afterward, he conversed with a pair of fraternity brothers who had recently interviewed former President Clinton.

The Late Show’s Orchestra Night, a four-day undertaking, unfolds with a vibrant display of fifty musicians—strings, brass, and woodwinds alike—who nearly fill the stage. During the Mailbag segment, Paul and Dave resolve a minor dispute feat…

A simmering frustration consumed Dave as he examined the revised DVD release of *Lawrence of Arabia*. Jerry Foley, with a knowing smirk, adjusted the aspect ratio, letterboxing the image for the home viewer, and then subtly manipulated the …

Dave revisited last night's complaint concerning his defective copy of *Lawrence of Arabia*. He announced that the producers had dispatched a replacement today, which unfortunately exhibited the same malfunction. This development led Dave t…

For his fifty-fourth birthday, Dave repeatedly played a Gap advertisement featuring an exceptionally attractive woman dancing and walking. The celebration included a montage of highlights from the past year: the unfortunate dingo encounter,…

The CBS Mailbag segment began with a question about tax preparation. Dave revealed that a creature named Jimmy handled his finances, a revelation underscored by a brief, unexpected flashback: Jimmy was, in fact, a dog. The segment concluded…

A flicker of recollection crossed Dave’s face as he surveyed the countless interviews he’d conducted with former contestants of *Survivor*. Then, with practiced indifference, he offered Rodger Bingham, the fifth-place finisher, his customar…

Dave announced that the woman from the Gap commercials would be appearing on the show later in the month. He then muttered about the fact that he’d provided Gap® with numerous free airings of their advertisement, yet had received no complim…

Dave outlined CBS sales figures, revealing that *The Late Show* has aired approximately $750,000 worth of complimentary Gap commercials to date. During the first fifteen minutes of the program, Tony detailed the free merchandise Dave might …

As the night wore on, Melissa Bernheim, known as "Gap Girl," moved across the stage in a perpetual dance. Dave mentioned his triumph from the previous evening's American Comedy Awards. He then announced that CBS would broadcast this year’s …

Melissa Bernheim took to the stage once more, her movements fluid and graceful during the Mailbag segment. A brief flourish of the marquee announced Dave's middle initial, only for it to detach and tragically strike someone in the audience.…

Dave addressed contestant Elizabeth Filarski’s hair loss and the show's producers’ apparent lack of support for her. He repeatedly played a clip from last night’s broadcast of *On Golden Pond*, launching into a passionate critique of censor…

Dave recounted that the female staff at the Empire State Building arranged a private viewing for him at the Hayden Planetarium. He also presented a fabricated clip from *The Weakest Link*, featuring Kathleen Ankers as "Anne Robinson" delive…

Dave punctuates his conversation with a series of weary "It was so hot today..." jokes. The exterior camera captures a doctor performing laser eye surgery at a sidewalk booth, employing a magnifying glass. Meanwhile, during his latest discu…

Dave declared himself the true survivor, a pronouncement delivered before the sixteen most recent contestants from the reality series presented their Top Ten choices. The evening culminated in a performance by Stevie Nicks, who sang "Candle…

Shuggie Otis joins the band to play guitar, and they later perform his sole chart-topping song, "Strawberry Letter 23." During the Mailbag segment, Gerard and his supposed son Timmy offer their thoughts on the impending writers' strike.

Dave brought up the Kentucky Derby, then lamented missing the iconic cry of Dave Johnson: "…and down the stretch they come!" Fortunately, his counterpart managed to deliver the line for their father over the phone. Later, Dave, the host, sp…

On her debut, Deborah Lynn, guided by an uncanny intuition, sets her sights on acquiring George Clooney’s phone number. She offers Dave a seemingly random digit sequence, only to discover it is invalid. Following the first commercial interr…

Dave launched into a passionate critique of the previous night’s Country Music Awards, lamenting the genre's perceived drift from its roots. Meanwhile, Harold Larkin addressed a crucial matter concerning labor rights, continuing his explana…

**Mailbag:** "I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Which one should I see?" Dave introduces a segment titled "Kenny Sheehan's Movie Review," where the stagehand watches a film and subsequently becomes so incensed by it that he destroys th…

Dave contacted Art Kelly, the theater receptionist, regarding a potentially offensive joke from last Friday’s monologue. The joke involved Miss Columbia and her supposed talent for smuggling heroin. Dave offered a half-hearted apology to th…

Picking up the threads of last night’s debate, Dave announced that Miss Columbia 2001 would be joining him as a guest on Thursday’s program. He then offered a profuse apology for a previous comment regarding heroin smuggling. The show follo…

Throughout the monologue, Dave punctuates his speech with a series of "It's so dry..." jokes. Meanwhile, David Byrne performs "Like Humans Do."

A technical glitch affecting Paul’s keyboards is resolved mid-scene in the first act. Dave notes that Paul’s 1983-written cover of The Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men” remains the number one hit in the UK for a second week running. He then…

The correspondence brought tales of peculiar moments. Gloria Agostini, a harpist, provided live music for those lingering, melancholic recollections. Anton, in a curious gesture, offered his goldfish chips and salsa. And then there was Tony…

Buddy Guy lends his guitar to the performance; Dave offers Regis heartfelt congratulations on his well-earned Daytime Emmy; Steph and Monty share a humorous anecdote about their incontinent Doberman; and Alan Kalter delivers a personal mess…

Dave recounts to the audience what he considers the highlight of last night’s performance: a fabricated scene in which astronaut and billionaire Dennis Tito incinerates Dave's head with his laser eyes. Additionally, Ellen DeGeneres promote…

Police Commissioner William DeLace offered advice to graduating students, while Ray Benson observed from the sidelines. Meanwhile, baseball legend Lawrence "Yogi" Berra was actively promoting his recently published autobiography.

Dave marked Bob Dylan’s sixtieth year with concert footage depicting the aging musician’s labored efforts at the guitar. The broadcast was punctuated by a brief interruption from Tony Orlando, who offered an original song dedicated to Memor…

The question drifted in on the mailbag: "Have you ever seen the Monkey Man?" Dave then presented the elusive figure, who, as any observant viewer will recognize, is none other than Gerard Mulligan in disguise. The Monkey Man then showed a p…

Dave unveiled the studio floor, now a deep blue hue, a departure from its crimson red for the past several years. He confessed to ongoing difficulties with his computer. Biff, in turn, noted a twenty-pound weight loss over the last month be…

Midstream in his monologue, Paul was unexpectedly assailed by a bee, the interruption jarring the flow. The incident proved a source of amusement for Dave, who gently ribbed him for the rest of the performance.

Now, a look at "For the Kids." George Clarke monopolizes the attention of an ice cream vendor, a Toys R Us employee offers a theatrical bow, Tony endeavors to impart rudimentary Spanish phrases before launching into another of his impassion…

Dave launches into a lengthy account of a staff member who refused his offer of a complimentary apple. In tribute to this unnamed individual, Paul performs his well-known song, "Lumpy Colon." Dave then repeats Rupert’s original “teasing peo…

In the segment known as Mailbag, Dave expresses his distaste for President Bush's daughter, "Debbie" (played by Gerard). A panel of ten weathermen from various CBS affiliates presents their rankings of the top ten stories. Meanwhile, Andy D…

Dave voiced his disapproval of the Los Angeles Lakers' jerseys, describing them with a dismissive, almost mocking term. He then shifted the conversation to a news clip of a bear in a private swimming pool, asserting with a straight face tha…

Paul secured victory in the newest installment of "Late Show Pay Phone Trifecta." Meanwhile, Dave engaged in a telephone conversation with Steph and Monty, recounting a missed blind date. The segment, "Top Ten Other Television Shows Produce…

Dave assisted Paul with a few computer difficulties. As a sort of farewell to Bozo the Clown, whose reign was ending, Dave presented (fictitious) footage of the beloved children's show icon. Meanwhile, Tony Mendez attempted to improve New Y…

Dave persisted in discussing Bozo the Clown’s retirement, but his comments regarding the clown's large, red, and unattractive hair predictably provoked a sharp reaction from Alan. He also paid tribute to Leonard Tepper with archival clips f…

A message arrived requesting a brief opportunity to host. It turns out, viewer Jason Lynch is currently filling in, while Dave observes the late-night show from the green room, watching Leno. Meanwhile, Paul confesses his persistent difficu…

Following Paul’s admission that he had no recollection of his own appearance, Dave reached for the phone and called Art Kelly, the receptionist. He inquired whether Art had ever been formally introduced to the bandleader. Art’s response was…

In an unexpected turn, Team Rahal driver Kenny Brack took to the guitar, with David Sedaris following with readings from his latest book.

Biff, looking unusually lean and fit, presents a short film of himself at the Detroit Grand Prix. In a surprising turn, Dave and Paul discuss hair care, a conversation that then segues into a new feature titled "Hairpiece—Not a Hairpiece."

Paul occupied the guest chair for a brief five minutes, using the opportunity to promote his new game show, *Cover Wars*, premiering on VH1. Following him, Alan announced that Epil Stop n' Spray had become the official sponsor of the Top Te…

The question arrived in the mailbag: "What would you do if the world was coming to an end?" Dave, clearly unprepared for such a query, defers to astrophysicist Dr. Saul Perlmutter (Gerard), who delivers a sobering announcement. The planet's…

Dave launched into another tirade regarding his computer woes. He insisted that Walter Kim, the technology expert for *The Late Show*, repeatedly visited his home on weekends, attempting to offer assistance. However, Dave carefully avoided …

Dave remains visibly frustrated by his ongoing technical difficulties. Catherine Zeta-Jones, in a moment of warmth, addresses him as "Jay," offering sincere apologies. The music of Depeche Mode fills the air with the familiar strains of "I …

Dave’s computer troubles compounded when he was unable to specify the exact component required, leading IBM to ship him an incorrect replacement. In addition, Dave spoke with Alan Webb, the newly crowned national high school mile record hol…

Dave launched into a lengthy description of the morning's interstate traffic. Outside, an "Incredible Dog Challenge" was underway, culminating in a winning canine leaping over a colossal, fabricated check for one million dollars. Performin…

Tonight’s correspondence was reviewed by James Earl Jones. Following this, George Clarke presents a recollection of a night consumed by both intimacy and chance, a segment generously supported by the Taj Mahal Hotel, a property owned by Don…

Dave made a disconcerting announcement, suggesting the possibility of parasites inhabiting his head. Paul responded with a sharp, dismissive phrase, calling him a "maggot brain." Later, Dave and Steph, with Monty present, reviewed photograp…

Dave shared the news that Jude Brennan’s cousin, a specialist in parasitic infections, had assured him there was no cause for alarm. The evening itself was unusually graced with celebrity appearances; Puff Daddy made a notable appearance to…

A discontented murmur escaped Dave as he lamented the dwindling caliber of guests gracing the program. Paul, in turn, addressed Dave’s ill-advised query directed at Julia Roberts the previous evening – “Are you getting laid these days?” Dav…

Dave mused on the show's four Emmy nominations—revealed just that morning—wondering if the dwindling viewership had led to voter apathy. For the second consecutive night, Alan found himself physically overpowered by an assailant nearly twic…

Dave presents a live satellite feed of President Bush seemingly lost in thought, gazing into the distance. During the Mailbag segment, Alan abruptly ejects one of the letter writers – portrayed by Jay Johnson – from a fourth-story window. …

Dave’s actions are rarely abrupt; instead, he directs the large man to strike Alan. Later, during a segment titled "Summertime Leftovers," Dave again presents footage of his own younger self – from his morning show days – playing "Camptown …

Alan was caught in the act of eating pizza, yet he was met with no reprimand. Dave offered a sardonic remark regarding Jay Leno’s chin, while Bob Sarlette, the announcer from the David Letterman Show, engaged Dave in a discussion about foot…

A pizza delivery takes a violent turn for Alan, the incident broadcast live from the Indianapolis suburbs. Meanwhile, Dorothy marks her eightieth birthday with a Dave impersonator and a refrigerator stocked with Colt 45®. Later, John McEnro…

Alan’s continued indulgence in pizza brings him further misfortune. Dave displays an image of the FBI headquarters, conspicuously lacking its central letter. Meanwhile, Joan Osbourne and The Holmes Brothers deliver a powerful rendition of “…

This weekend, Dave spoke with considerable pride about his mother's eightieth birthday celebration – a lively affair, he described with characteristic enthusiasm. During the show's Mailbag segment, Dave intervened to help Paul, who found hi…

Calvert's eightieth birthday party became a backdrop for Dave’s deliberate avoidance, his attention drawn instead to the women staffing the Hi-Ho booth. He engaged in conversation with Jeff Meyer, who had, as a tribute to Calvert, christene…

Delbert McClinton joins the conversation as Steph and Monty, speaking from the twelfth floor, elaborate at length on their plans from the previous weekend. Tom Selleck then presents a vintage film clip featuring himself, followed by an impr…

Dave declared with a grin that his orange socks were a deliberate choice, intended for a post-show prank involving Steph and a birthday cake. Alan, predictably, found himself the target of physical misfortune once more, bearing the marks of…

As the band played, the tambourine player playfully struck Alan, while Dave, seeking to pass the time, projected another vintage comedy clip – this one featuring Dave’s repeated tormenting of delivery personnel (Show #818). Meanwhile, Greg …

The question lingered in the air: "How long has Paul been bald?" Dave hesitated, aware of the potential for discomfort, but Paul simply rubbed his chin. A sudden memory surfaced, vivid and sharp. It showed Paul with a cascade of long, wavy …

A man in a Lance Armstrong costume wheeled himself onto the stage, proceeded to assault Alan, and then dashed off to Hello Deli to attack Rupert. Later, Dave displayed photographs of himself feeding Steph/Monty a piece of birthday cake, whi…

Dave subjects Rupert to a deli-themed iteration of "Beat the Clock." Afterward, having spoken with Sean Combs for a duration exceeding his plans, Dave finds himself constrained to a brief exchange with news anchor Daljit Dhaliwal.