It’s hard to believe that Linda Blair, David Hasselhoff, and Hildegard Knef accepted roles in this low-budget Italian horror film with mostly unknown actors. It’s surprising, but David Hasselhoff actually delivers a respectable performance and stands out, which speaks volumes about the rest of the cast. He portrays a likable lead who seems genuinely invested in the other characters and goes to great lengths to protect them. Linda Blair's presence is enjoyable, mainly because of her character’s campy moments later on, though she isn't really the central figure. The award for most expressionless performance goes to Leslie Cumming, who plays the final girl; her lack of emotion and monotonous delivery are truly remarkable, even by the standards of a low-budget horror movie. "Witchery" follows a young woman named Leslie as she travels to a remote island researching the occult for a book. Her boyfriend, Gary, accompanies her to document their findings with photographs, hoping to provide proof of witches and the local legend of "the witch's light." While Gary is eager to help his girlfriend, he also sees this trip as an opportunity for romance. Leslie, in her mid-twenties, considers herself a virgin and equates it with knowledge. During their stay, they decide to occupy an abandoned hotel without permission, unaware that the property is private—a misunderstanding relayed by Leslie. A diverse group of people also arrives at the hotel, including the Brooks family: Rose, the greedy matriarch; her unsettling husband, Freddie; and their children, Jane (Linda Blair) and Tommy. The parents appear to be in their fifties, while Tommy seems unusually young, less than ten years old. Notably, Jane is pregnant, with no mention of the baby's father. She dotes on her younger brother, whereas Rose often treats him poorly, along with everyone else. Rose intends to purchase the dilapidated hotel and transform it into a private club for profit. The group also includes Linda Sullivan, a young architect hired by Mrs. Brooks, and Tony Giordano, a real estate agent trying to convince Mrs. Brooks that buying the hotel is an excellent investment. When the Brooks family, along with the architect and realtor, discover Leslie and Gary squatting in the hotel, initial tension arises. However, Gary diffuses the situation by offering coffee, which surprisingly eases the mood—except for Rose, who remains unpleasant. Unbeknownst to everyone, the hotel is also inhabited by an elderly witch (played by Hildegard Knef), heavily made up and seemingly a chain smoker. She used her powers to orchestrate events that brought all these individuals to the hotel simultaneously. Beyond luring them there, she killed the boat driver, preventing anyone from leaving, ensuring they were trapped together. The witch’s motivation is revealed later: years ago, she was an actress who couldn't accept aging and retired, unwilling to be seen anymore. Her plan involves sacrificing certain people to complete a ritual that will allow her to be reborn through Jane’s baby. Despite its convoluted plot, "Witchery" offers plenty of entertainment, with some well-executed gruesome death scenes. Rose’s demise is particularly memorable: after verbally abusing everyone, including her son, her husband suggests she rest. She agrees but is transported to a bizarre dimension within the house where she's greeted by demented centenarians who sew her lips shut and then jam her into the chimney, where she dies from a fire the others light for warmth. Beyond Rose’s death, the film features other notable moments. Characters are randomly sent through strange vortexes to another dimension ruled by the witch and her bizarre servants—a realm resembling a barnyard more than anything else. The witch's minions laugh maniacally, taunt victims, and carry a doll without explanation. Linda Blair reprises her role as a possessed girl, though this time it’s played for laughs rather than genuine horror. During possession, Jane’s hairstyle changes dramatically. The witch then confronts the survivors and reveals her motives before attempting to kill them. Gary stops the evil momentarily by playing a recording of Tommy repeatedly saying "I love you, Jane." However, Jane sacrifices herself by jumping out a window. Sadly, this doesn't lead to a happy ending: Jane dies, and Gary follows suit. Only Tommy and the emotionally detached Leslie survive; she was previously subjected to a disturbing experience in the parallel dimension. The film concludes with Leslie in a hospital bed, learning that Tommy is safe and her baby is fine—prompting her to look at the camera with an unsettling expression of horror. I recommend this movie to anyone seeking pure entertainment, gruesome deaths, ridiculousness without becoming a comedy, genuinely creepy moments, and a plot that lacks logical consistency.

On September 20, 2026
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