This film simply didn’t click with me. The movie begins with a rather unfunny stand-up performance from "Bert" (Bert Kreischer), which quickly devolves into an elderly Russian man firing at his television! At this point, I was on the same page as him. However, it turns out he's not just upset about the act; twenty years prior, this comedian stole a family heirloom from him on a train. Determined to recover it, he sends his daughter "Irina" (Iva Babic) to find him and either return the item or bring him back to Russia for a peculiar kind of retribution. Simultaneously, "Bert" is dealing with typical family problems that have his therapist considering using a shotgun, when his estranged father "Albert" (Mark Hamill) unexpectedly arrives for his granddaughter's sixteenth birthday. Numerous teenage dramas lead to him being rescued by his European visitors, who then take both of them on an adventure revisiting his past tour (as Jimmy Tatro), drinking and using drugs as they travel through Moscow and become the legendary “The Machine.” (Apparently he was aiming for something more masculine, but mispronounced it). As we retrace his steps and see flashbacks of his train journey, we quickly understand that his former self was somewhat of a careless fool and... by then I really couldn’t have been less interested. The movie is full of weak performances and tired stereotypes that aren't humorous. What was Mark Hamill doing? Drinking vodka while using cocaine directly from a sweaty hooker’s hand might have been amusing in the 1980s, but Kreischer lacks the talent to keep this all cohesive, while Babic tries her best to project the intensity of Cate Blanchett (Indiana Jones circa 2008), and Tatro just resembles the forgotten Jonas brother who has seen a bit too much "Bill & Ted." Some people in the audience laughed, so it couldn’t have been entirely awful—but for me, this was simply immature and at times nearly unbearable to endure during the almost two hours of my life I won't be getting back.

On September 20, 2026
#7715▼ 724
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